Sick & Wrong World -#2: Bolting the World Perks Lounge
This waking up at 5am shit doesn’t fly very well with me. Actually I’m feeling pretty good considering the fact I’m currently “caffeine free”. I’ll live…I think.
I am writing you from the comforts of the Northwest WorldPerks lounge. My dad is a member so free food. Food good. Free food better.
Fun story about the WorldPerks Lounge. When I went to Norway I managed to get my dad to allow me to take his card. I’ve used it before in the states no problem. In Amsterdam however…
Well I should tell the whole story. On my way back we had like a 5-hour layover in Amsterdam. Our group leader had stayed in Norway to teach a class so he left me in charge. Scary thought eh? Well we were scheduled to meet my advisor’s (whom loved and hated me) group returning from India. In that group was a friend of mine whom I used to drink beer with. So of course right away, much to my advisor’s dismay, we hit the bar.
But I hate paying for beer when I have a little golden card in my pocket, which could net me free beer. So I head off and tell my advisor I’m going to go get free beer with my friend. She screams in her British/Indian (as in India) accent “YOU DON’T LEAVE THE AIRPORT I MEAN IT!!!!!”
Well I get to the old World Perks card and head to the lounge. For the first time I was asked to present it with my plane ticket.
After looking at the ticket and the World Perks card for some time, the desk lady asked,
“Is this your card sir?”
A silly question. Why would a 22 year old college kid from Minnesota have his own World Perks card? But I was asked a question and an answer was in order.
“Yes, why?”
“Well it says Jon T. Severson on the ticket and Thomas O. Severson on the card, sir.”
pause
“Let me see that. Damnit this happens all the time. Jon is just a family name…. I really go by Tom, but because my full name is Jon Thomas Orville Severson and most computers aren’t set up to handle two middle names. This happens a bit.”
I then pull out my Discover card, Visa card, and Conoco card as well as my driver’s license to prove my…ahem, “innocence”. She buys it.
“Have a good trip home to the States Mr. Severson”.
Brain looks pale, as if he didn’t think I could get away with it. He thought we’d get arrested. But free beer quickly soothes the nerves of the nervous. 3 hours later we barely make it to our plane and were among the last ones on.
My advisor looks at me in disgust, “You’re drunk aren’t you.”
Yes I say. Yes I am.
“I told you not to leave the airport.”
“We didn’t”, I say with a drunken smile and I flash the card.
She studies the card quickly.
“But your name isn’t Tom.”
Today it is I said with a smile as Brian tells her in a flurry of slurred words what had happened….barely able to stand up. Jyoti just shakes her head. A familiar response for me by this time. I’ve seen it MANY times.
Needless to say my group is suprised once again by my means to an end. It wasn’t the first time this trip I had surprised them…. But it would be the last for I fell asleep almost the minute the plane left the ground.
In any other world a couple of students would be in a Dutch jail for a long time for forgery, maybe worse. But this isn’t your average world. No, this is Jon’s Sick and Wrong World.
-Jon Thomas Orville Severson
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